


Catastrophic Fun

by orphan_account



Series: all in good fun [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 00-line are sophomores, Alternate Universe - High School, Attempt at Humor, Bang Chan and Kim Woojin are Best Friends, Bang Chan-centric, Chan all throughout the thing: [stressed noises], Crack, Han Jisung | Han & Kim Seungmin are Best Friends, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Han Jisung | Han is a Sweetheart, Humor, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Hwang Hyunjin is a Sweetheart, Kim Seungmin is Oblivious, Kim Seungmin is Whipped, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is Whipped, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Lee Minho | Lee Know & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, M/M, Minho and Changbin are juniors, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Bang Chan, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, STEM students, Slow Build, Stray Kids are all students, Stressed Bang Chan, Tags Are Fun, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, They're STEM students because I can, They're a bunch of crackheads, This is just a plot with crack, Woojin and Chan are seniors, Yang Jeongin future overlord, Yang Jeongin wants world domination, bunch of chaotic dumbasses with idiotic energies, in this world they're in the stem program and that's already chaos as it is lmao, jeongin is a freshman, main ships are the endgame, watch me screw this up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-04-20 23:35:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22014154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: As their school program’s president, it’s up to Chan to host the best acquaintance party of the year and not disappoint his predecessors. Thus, he is given with the greatest (albeit dumbest) idea: get help from some of the students of the program (courtesy of Woojin’s suspicious parental bonding to every student younger than him).Unfortunately, not all of them shared the sentiment as the date advances. With the looming deadline up ahead, the expectations on his shoulders, and the gay pining of the representatives, it’s up to Chan to save his sanity and the party before it all ends with a disaster.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Kim Woojin/Seo Changbin
Series: all in good fun [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584577
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	1. Hic est chao. Hic est stultitiae peccatum videtur. (This is chaos. This is stupidity.)

**Author's Note:**

> Let us begin with the chaos.

Being a senior in high school is hard – you still have a research paper to finalize, tons of reports and projects to make, and grades to maintain on average according to the program’s ways (after all, a grade of 85 was already considered a probable fail on the course, you’d be lucky to have a 96 and above on your grades). Curse you freshman year Bang Chan for bullshitting through the entrance exam and landing you a place in the most prestigious program.

All he wanted was a bit of recognition, sure, and he’s earned it. Bang Chan is an honor student after all (like that’s some sort of a big deal, the students in their program are all honor students – all their average grades are 90 and above), first place in their grade, not to flex. But then, the deities above decided he deserved none of their mercy and had him be a contender for the year’s president of the program (or organization, as his predecessors worded), and consecutively, won.

The younger students reasoned he was the most trustworthy of the contestants (bullshit by the way, Chan legit said he’d rather _yeet_ himself to Hell when the contestants were asked to prepare a speech as to why he should be voted), but Chan knew better. Those little shits just wanted him to suffer; he could feel it deep down his sleep deprived brain. Just wait until you’re all seniors, motherfuckers, and then you’ll see.

The only good thing that came out of his election is the fact his best friend Kim Woojin got elected as the Vice President. Lord knows he needs his sane best friend to guide him through questionable times wherein he needs to make rational decisions.

Okay, so maybe Woojin wasn’t the sanest person, having done something so stupid it scarred them both until the present (long story short it involved some wine and cartwheeling through the streets at night, consequently getting them almost arrested). Also, the dude just decided to have a fling with the person he liked for so long. A fucking fling, with someone he likes. Who the fuck does that?

But hey, if Chan was going to die, he’d rather have Woojin to call him out for dying (because he would), hands down.

As if that wasn’t worse enough, Chan also got elected as class representative. Class representative, like, what the fuck went through the teacher’s head? Let Chan rest this year, please, he just wants to graduate, not to die young.

Well, we’re way passed that anyway. At least Woojin also got elected as representative in their class (all the teachers are idiots, it has been concluded). Lmao bitch, suffer.

Jaewon snaps Chan out of his stress induced reverie by slamming his hands on his table, the sure-fire way of getting someone’s attention. “Hey Prez, how’s our acquaintance party going to be like?”

A fucking disaster, he wanted to answer. Unfortunately, because Chan dislikes disappointing people, he tried to say something positive. _It’s going to be awesome_; his positivity suggested he should say. _If you try not to think about the fact it’s legit a disaster; _added his negativity and now he wants to cry.

“It’s gonna be fucking _lit_, is what it is,” he settles on saying, positivity and negativity face palming with his answer. Who the fuck still uses the word _lit _nowadays? Dammit Chan, now everyone will think you’re a boomer in disguise.

Chan’s classmate, Jaewon, nods in understanding, absolutely excited for the party (which won’t be happening unit two months later, but hey, let there be hope). If he notices Chan’s choice of words, he decided not to mention it for his sake. Excellent choice, you’re now spared from embarrassment.

“I can’t wait!”

Ah, amazing, more expectations.

Luckily for him, school hours passed by like a blur, mostly because almost all of the teachers decided to not have a class that day (except for their Math class though, the teacher’s an asshole). He was given plenty of time to brainstorm for ideas for the party, getting bursts of ideas only to come short at the middle and make his classmates question his remaining sanity. Chan settles on calling for Woojin’s help, who gladly accepted.

Woojin arrives in Chan’s classroom a few minutes later in the afternoon, right after classes ended, looking disheveled. “Sorry for being late Chan, I was on cleaning duty.”

Chan, who has memorized his best friend’s schedules (because they weren’t in the same class, fuck you entrance exam this is still your fault), squints in suspicion for a second, before nodding, feigning understanding. “I didn’t know your class changed cleaning schedules.”

His best friend spluttered, obviously caught lying.

He decides to be even more of a little shit (even if it costs him a whack on the head), and continues talking. “Also, don’t fucking lie to me, Woojin. I know where you’ve been, and trust me when I say you got late because you decided making out with Changbin is a good idea.”

Woojin huffs as he strode all the way to the seat in front of Chan’s. “You have no proof.”

“Your hair’s a mess, and so was Changbin’s when he passed by,” Chan retorts, putting back all his stuff in his bag. He didn’t need to look up to know he’s hit a spot. “Your honor, I rest my case.”

“Fine,” Woojin grumbles in defeat, “you’re right. I was with him, but if someone else hears about this you’re going to be a sacrifice, got it?”

_‘A sacrifice to what_?’ is what Chan would have asked, but he knows better. For all he knows, it’s for some sort of cult or something… which wouldn’t be so bad, considering his down-in-flames disaster of a high school life right now.

“Honestly, that sounds even better than being a president right now,” he shrugs, slinging the straps of his bag on his shoulders, “anyway, let’s head to the canteen. I think we’ll be able to brainstorm properly when we get there.”

“You just want to eat.”

_Whack!_

“_MOTHERFUCKER_-“


	2. Inpendebat chao. (Impending chaos.)

The canteen was a bit crowded, which makes sense because classes had already ended. They were lucky that the place was spacious, or else it would be very uncomfortable to move around and accidentally elbow someone on the knee for some reason (happened once, don’t ask). Also, the food there is the best, like, 10/10 would sacrifice sanity just to eat.

“Okay, so, what should our theme be? And what activities should we even have to entertain the students?” Chan mutters to himself, head propped on his palm as he taps his pen on the table. God, he hasn’t even started but he’s already stressed. Or maybe that’s just because he wants to procrastinate already. Man, he should sort out his priorities.

Woojin, who previously had gone off to buy the two of them some snacks, comes over to sit right beside him and starts reading what he’s been writing. So far, Chan’s idea was just a Retro themed party. Needless to say, Woojin’s not surprised. _When in doubt, go for Retro_, Chan had muttered once before after his tenth energy drink which makes no absolute sense because they were studying _for Pre-Calculus_. Retro theme does not exist in Pre-Calculus, Chan, where did you even get that idea?

“Wow, am I _so_ glad I’m not the president,” Woojin whistles, taking another bite of his egg burger (a taste of heaven, as he humbly describes way back when), “I mean, look at that. That shit screams stress all over.”

“Don’t get so happy, Wooj, I could just yeet myself out and have you deal with this you know.” Chan retorts, reaching for his own egg burger (it’s the shit, man, you should try it). “I’m stumped. My creative juices aren’t flowing.”

Woojin snorts, sipping his mango shake as snazzy as he could. “What a mood.”

Oh God, this party surely IS going to be a disaster.

Chan needs a distraction STAT-

“Hey, isn’t that Jisung? Jisung! Over here!”

Well that was quick.

He looks up and sees one of his greatest friends (other than Woojin, surprisingly), namely, Han Jisung, approaching their table. The dude’s a sophomore, who Chan befriended through their mutual interest in books series and of course, Woojin’s concerning parental tendencies.

Jisung’s a confident kid who speaks his mind, sometimes too much of a crackhead to function, but, regardless of his _crackheadassery_, Woojin had claimed him as his number one, ultra favorite kid. Chan wholeheartedly agrees because Jisung is heaven sent, and whoever says so otherwise gets a whooping and a 100+ slide PowerPoint presentation on how utterly wrong that person is. Jisung is best boy and you can’t change their minds.

He grins, waving his hand as he approached them (a kid, most definitely his age, bids his farewell and leaves first, and Chan thinks this must be one of Jisung’s new friends). “Oh, look! Two of my most favorite persons! How’s your sanity holding up?”

“I’m very close to performing a ritual and sacrifice Chan’s soul, Ji,” Woojin moans, shoving his face on his palms (right after setting his burger aside, ketchup on hair is not a very great fashion statement) – he’s not kidding, like at all. “I’ve been up all night studying for quizzes. Like, our Mathematics teacher barely even attends our classes and then he comes and goes ‘_by the way, we’re having a quiz tomorrow,_’ and then tells us which module from the book we should study before he leaves! Do you have _any _idea how I nearly burnt my book because of how confused I was?”

Jisung winces as he takes the empty seat in front of them. “Yikes, being seniors must be hard, huh,” he turns to look at Chan, who’s hunched over and stressfully tapping his pen on the desk. “What about you, mister first placer – _slash _– president? How’s _your _sanity holding up?”

Chan looks up from the piece of paper he’s been staring at (the one he’s placed scrap ideas for the party), and locks eyes with Jisung with the most deadpan expression he can muster. “I’d let Woojin sacrifice my soul already for just a day without stress.”

“Okay, now I’m totally afraid of being a senior,” the sophomore laughs, reaching for the mango shake that was supposed to be Chan’s. The latter hears the underlying hint of fear in his voice and honestly, he should. He should definitely fear being a senior. Chan lets him have his drink of course; he wasn’t in the mood for shakes anyway.

“Everyone’s afraid of being a senior, Jiji,” Woojin comments, Chan humming in agreement, “but I suppose it’s better to get it over with than quit before trying. Senior year is fun, actually, despite all the stress.”

Chan snorts. “Fun, huh? Don’t make me laugh, Wooj.”

Jisung huffs, but he nods, understanding where the reprimands are coming from (he ignores Chan’s statement because he’d rather not anticipate the whole landslide of stress for senior year, thanks). He continues drinking his mango shake before leaning across the table to see what Chan’s frustrated about as he scribbled on the paper. “What’s that?”

“For the acquaintance party,” Woojin answers instead, “we’re running low on ideas so that’s a bad thing. Prez here is stressed because of it.”

“But I thought it’ll be two months from now?”

“It is, but the officers have got to start planning. Chan and I are making a draft for the party so we could present it to the meeting with the officers, but so far, the only theme we got is Retro.” Woojin replies, folding his trash neatly just to clean the table a bit.

Jisung hums in contemplation, gears turning in his brain. “Have you tried getting help from other students? I mean, you guys are allowed to do that right?”

Chan and Woojin share a look, before turning to Jisung. “I mean, we’ve considered it, but we didn’t know who’d be able to help us plan the draft, or how to get them to help us.”

“Oh!” Woojin gasps, like an idea just struck him. He giddily turns to the two, eyes bright, “I think I know how! Just leave it to me!”

“Am I going to regret this?” Chan bemoans as he watches the Vice President pull out his phone. Woojin only spares him a glance, and the smile on his face widens and that’s the only answer he gets. _Yes, I am most definitely going to regret this._


	3. A factum est error. (A mistake was made.)

Woojin’s idea was a group chat filled with kids he had _adopted _as his own. No surprises there. Chan questioned how he could be so sure that these kids could be able to help them with the draft, but all he got was a vague ‘_trust me_,’ which raised his suspicion even more.

  


Jisung just went ahead with it. Of course he would.

**  
**

**Acquaintances**

_  
_

_Woojin has created a group chat._

_  
_

_Woojin sent you and 7 others an invitation to join the group chat._

_  
_

_You and 4 others accepted the invitation._

**  
**

**Chan:** when you said to trust you i honestly hoped you had a great idea

**  
**

**Chan:** why do you always disappoint me in this way

**  
**

**Woojin:** in my defense i am a mere human being incapable of making rational decisions

**  
**

**Jisung:** quesitobnale repliy but oik

  


Okay, so it went with a good start (if you ignore Jisung’s lack of autocorrect chat messages). After five out of nine people in the GC were active and present, Chan, Woojin, and Jisung immediately went off to start explaining the situation. Some were skeptical, but were going to stay and hopefully help, while others were down and interested with helping (like Changbin).

  


But everything immediately caught on fire as soon as the other four showed up. Honestly? It was bound to happen either way.

**  
**

**Acquaintances**

**  
**

**Seungmin: **i mean, it sounds fun so why not?

_  
_

_4 others accepted the invitation._

**  
**

**Minho: **i just boiled some gatorade and called it tea

**  
**

**Minho:** do u think it was a good idea

**  
**

**Jisung:** what in all yove written made u think it wa s a good idea

**  
**

**Hyunjin: **you bITCH THAT’S DISGUSTING WTF

**  
**

**Minho: **in my defense i only think with my dumbass gay brain

**  
**

**Seungmin: **your brian must be store bought then

**  
**

**Minho: **no i got it from a man in some sketchy ass van

**  
**

**Minho: **n egays

**  
**

**Minho: **who the **_fuck_** are you motherfuckers

**  
**

**Jeongin: **im ur sleep parsslaydis demon

**  
**

**Jisung: **what the fuck is that word

**  
**

**Changbin: **oh you mean sleep?

**  
**

**Jisung: **EW _WHAT THE FCUK IST HAT_ EW EW EW

**  
**

**Woojin: **who discomforted my son

**  
**

**Seungmin: **it WAS CHANGBIn

**  
**

**Changbin: **yOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME???

**  
**

**Seungmin: **Id on’t need to know u to _H AT E_ you motherfukcer

**  
**

**Felix: **i smeljl drama

**  
**

**Minho: **I smell a little bitch

**  
**

**Changbin: **minho do u always have to engage in a fight

**  
**

**Minho: ** _YOU HAVE NO IDEA MOTHERFUCKER_

**  
**

**Chan: **what the fuck is going on

**  
**

**Chan: **wait was that a brandon rogers reference

**  
**

**  
**

**Seungmin: **quifck EVERYONE BLAME MINHO

**  
**

**Minho: **I FUKCING BREATHEKD

**  
**

**Hyunjin: **THEN STOP _BREATHING_??/ **_BITCH_**???

**  
**

**Jisung: **wooj, i htink this waws a bad idea

**  
**

**Woojin: **okay introductions are in order

**  
**

**Woojin: **please introduce yourself or I will _chop your dicks off_

**  
**

**Hyunjin: **what gave u the impression that i’ve got a dick

**  
**

**Jisung: **well logically speaking if you’re a boy ur bound to have a dick

**  
**

**Hyunjin: **well logically speaking ur a little bitvhc

**  
**

**Woojin: **don’t u **dare fucking hurt my son**

**  
**

**Jeongin: **I thought I was your son??? betrayal???

**  
**

**Woojin: **ur my son too but not my favorite

**  
**

**Hyunjin: **motHER??HAS _FAVORITES_?? UNACCETABLE

**  
**

**Minho: **id rather be not be part of this bullshit family then

**  
**

**Changbin: **minho pls

**  
**

**Seungmin:**yo trashbin dude are you going to keep on calling minho out

**  
**

**Changbin: **??yes??

**  
**

**Jisung: **this was a bad idea

  


Needless to say, Chan has regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this used to be stuck in my drafts lmao anyway i had fun laughing while writing this


	4. Quod electiones fiunt. (The choices were made.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos except it's the weekends. Also, Minho proposes a marriage and Woojin refuses to agree. Changbin proceeds to stress over Minho's choices like the good best friend that he is.

The weekends roll by with Woojin barging into the Bang residence and immediately going off about how his Math teacher wants him dead without giving Chan a moment to ask why he was there. Which is bold of him to assume that Chan does not want him dead too. However, Woojin get to live another day mostly because Chan’s parents love him, and because he is Chan’s (bullshit) voice of reason.

Chan’s Saturday was spent scrolling through the group chat and getting concerned over the fire dumpster that is Minho’s day, with the highlight of getting himself stuck on a tree for the sheer want of petting the stray cat regardless of his fear of heights. This gives them a new information that Minho and Jisung lives on the same street but never crossed paths before, as dumb as it may be.

**bunch of rats**

**Minho: **gays 

**Minho:** i need help

**Seungmin:** what do you want you rat

**Minho:**bimean, your phone bascly shows you your reflection so,

**Jisung**: hey don’t talk to my best friend like that

**Minho:** oh?

**Minho:** well ihave rights so i can

**Hyunjin:** wait u said u need help right

**Minho:** ye

**Minho:** soi have a fear of heighst remember

**Jeongin:** no

**Felix:** when did u even say u had that fear ??

**Minho:** just now

**Minho:** pay tje fuck attention to me uou soggy noodle

**Changbin:** idont like where this is going

**Minho:** neither deo I but gess what

**Minho:** life is nt fair

**Jeongin:** get on wit it??/

**Minho:** yea ok so im stuck on a tree

**Changbin:** ur what

**Minho:** yea its like , high ok

**Minho:** so im stuck imclinging i need help

**Jisung:** oh is that why i see one of my neighbores whos clinging to a tree branch and still on his phone ?

**Jisung:** is that uou?

**Minho:** motherfuckee i asked for help i get a stalker

**Changbin:** what teh fuck whay the duk why are you sTuck??

**Minho:** so i saw this cute lidol cat ok it was meowing at me

**Minho:** so i decided fuc my fear but notliterally bc cats

**Minho:** wanna give em the good pats ok

**Minho:** and now im stuck

**Changbin:** jesus fucking christ minho

**Woojin:** wait so is no one going to pay attention to the fact jisung and minho are neighbors?

**Minho:**fuck that i don’t even know how he looks

**Seungmin:** you haven’t mEt?

**Jisung:** either we have or im dumb and i forgot :/

As well as Minho trying to teach Hyunjin how to cook through chat while Seungmin and Changbin argue over the fact that whether STEM students are idiots or intellectuals (which then comes to an agreement that they are indeed intellectual idiots), which immediately goes from 0 to 100 after Hyunjin accidentally sets his kitchen on fire.

Turns out, Hyunjin is also afraid of knives, which is the only reason why he never bothered to learn how to cook.

**Hyunjin:**so its 12 pm n i am hungry

**Felix:** wait u havent had lunch?

**Hyunjin:** i have not

**Woojin:** can u cook?

**Hyunjin:** im afraid of knives so no

**Jeongin:** ok now go die of hunger

**Jisung:** why are u even afraid of knives

**Hyunjin:** can someon cook here?

**Hyunjin:** knifes shwing sharp

**Seungmin:** i can

**Seungmin:** wht the fuck is a shwing

**Felix:** itsa sharp knife sound effec

**Hyunjin:** thid id why ur my bff lix

**Hyunjin:** can u cook for me tho

**Seungmin:** i dont cook for idiots with dumb fears

**Seungmin:** except for jisung but thats a given

**Changbin:** yo but we're literally all ste students tho 

**Seungmin:** trashbin all ste students are idiots and mostly gay

**Minho:** wheres ur proof

**Seungmin:** exhibit a : han jisung

**Jisung:** i mean im fully gay, but otherwise, that's spot on

**Changbin:** were literally in a program for the brainy kids

**Minho:** ok so hyunjin i can cook so ill teach u how to cook

**Hyunjin:** can u just cook for me tho

**Minho:** lmao no u do the dirrty work bich

**Minho:** ok so first u gatjer ur ingredients

**Seungmin:** but do u admit we have braincells tho

**Changbin:** well no

**Hyunjin:** ok wjats next

**Minho:** u know how stoves work right

**Hyunjin:** ye

**Minho:** well do the stove thing

**Woojin:** sometimes u concern me minho

**Minho:** listen ok im out of words oklemme be

**Seungmin:** my point exactly

**Seungmin:** look, ste student or not were all still dumb 

**Changbin:** so its agreed were a bunch of intellectual idiots regardless of the origram

**Seungmin:** basically

**Jisung:** i love how anticlimatic this is

**Felix:** no no tjeres a plot twist i can _feel _it wait for it

**Hyunjin:** uh

**Felix:** jin? u ok?

**Hyunjin:** is the stove supposed to be on fire?

**Minho:** ? yes? that's literally how stoves work

**Hyunjin:** oh

**Hyunjin:** ok

**Hyunjin:** its a big fire tho

**Woojin:** you set it on high , 

**Seungmin:** yeah set it on low or else you'll burn ur dish

**Hyunjin:** cant

**Changbin:** what do yiu mean u cant

**Hyunjin:** its on fire

**Minho:** thats how stoves work

**Hyunjin:** the whole stoves on fire ?

**Jisung:** wh

**Jisung:** hyunjin it's on _f i r e_

**Hyunjin:** yes ive been told its how it works

**Felix:** WH NO UR LITERALLY SETTING THE STOVE ON FIRE HYUNJIN

**Hyunjin:** FELIX THAT'S LITERALLY HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK?? 

**Jeongin:** FIR FUCKS SAKE UR GOING TO BURN UR KITTCHEN

**Hyunjin:** BUT MINHO SAID THATS HOW IT WORKS???

**Woojin:** HYUNJIN NO

Either way, Saturday was a fun day.

Sunday, however, was spent stressing over Jisung's concerning life choices as an individual. 

Chan clearly remembers the time the sophomore nearly choked himself to death via own spit, as well as his own immune system failing on itself for no god awful fucking reason than his own body wanting to kill himself before other shit can.

Jisung may have survived those traumatizing moments, he had assured the two seniors that he'd be fine (and that he'd dealt worse). Which, by standards, is completely unhelpful as it only motivates both Chan and Woojin to worry about him more than their own mortal body can handle.

The moment the group chat notification went off, showing a bit of Jisung's message that started off with a '_i did a thing_', which is never a good sign, Chan yeets off from his planning moment with fingers ready to type a long paragraph rant of how Jisung should have thought this one through, as well as tips and tricks of how to get away with it (read: murder).

**bunch of rats**

**Jisung: **i did a thing

(The group chat was firstly renamed as **_friends_**, before Minho, blessed confident motherfucker of a disaster human being that he is, changed it to _**bunch of rats**_ and then was never renamed since the threat of eating the perpetrators' kneecaps while they sleep, if ever they decided to rename it. Everyone needed their kneecaps and thus everything went peaceful after that.)

**Jisung: **wooj it seems ive adopted another cat again

**Minho: **holy shit this happened before?

**Jisung: **?? yes??? like a lot??? idk, i just really love cats

It wasn't a lie; Jisung was too fond of cats — way too fond. It reached a point where Woojin was brought into consideration for Jisung's money as the boy proceeded to adopt every stray cat he lays his eyes on and buy pet related stuff ("but they love me, and I love them!" Jisung cried in indignation and Chan had to physically restrain Woojin before he went and bought all much needed cat requirements for the sophomore's new pets because Woojin very much loves his favorite son. It was either Chan that needed restraint or him anyway — they'd do anything for Jisung).

They've managed to reach an agreement where Jisung will have to inform both of them if he ever decided to adopt another cat, but this time it managed to branch out to informing the whole group chat.

Of course, chaos and stress, as well as disagreements, was sure to follow. It’s as if all of them attracts chaos as individuals, and now that they’ve bonded altogether (even if it’s by chat), all that power has reached an ungodly level that should concern them even more so than they concern over their grades (but jokes on them, grades are their holy grain so ungodly level of chaos be damned, you aren’t going to help them get above 90 anyway so you still suck and have no value).

**Minho: **holye hist ur the love of my life my man my osulmate

**Minho: **pls maryy me

**Jisung: **hwat

**Minho: **were married now

**Woojin: **who the fuck thought they’rw worthy to be marry my son?? bithc fukc u?

**Minho: **u have no rihgts against my man were married now the contract has been signed

**Seungmin: **ur literally marrying someone bc they have cats

**Jisung: **???? ye you don’t want me as a husband lmao I listen to musicals almost all the tiem

**Minho: **hoesly shit i listemn to musicals too

**Changbin: **aw fuck minho no

**Minho: **how do u like ur eggs in the morning

**Minho: **how many cat babies do u want

**Changbin: **m I N HO

**Jeongin: **I’m all for chabing getting dstiessred at minaho;s gay

Monday was sure going to be a bitch, especially with what just happened. Woojin was so totally going to full overdrive and rant about how Jisung is still too young for marriage (Chan can already hear it). 

Oh well, might as well go get some sleep and hope nothing too bad happens tomorrow.


	5. Consilium futuri. (Plan for the future.)

I'll cross the bridge when I get to it, Chan chided to himself as his phone dinged every few seconds in interval, dim light brightening his dark room. He remains still, staring at the ceiling where he can clearly see a poster with the words 'jail has no wifi, so don't do it' written in beautiful calligraphy and aesthetic background.

  
Woojin's nickname ('_voice of reason ?_') in their private chat appears at the top of the notification bar as soon as Chan grabs for his phone (also the big ass digital clock with the numbers 12:59 pm as if to spite him for his lack of regular sleeping schedule and that he is still awake at this god awful time. Look at you, it seems to taunt, still awake probably until asscrack o'clock lol get a life dude. Fuck you, digital clock, you ain't shit).

  
There are about five new messages now, in addition to the three more from a few minutes ago, each a paragraph with no mercy for the word count, none at all. Woojin was a force to be reckoned with when he was ranting through chat, word count cowering before him.

  
  
Chan scrolls through the messages, reading parts that he thinks are important to bring up on for tomorrow (because he knows Woojin would still be ranting until they are face to face) until he reaches the last sent message from two minutes ago.

  
  
This one was about how Minho and Jisung shouldn't get married (like not at all) over his dead body, ending with 'good night'. Chan is hysterical after that because this one is longer than the other messages, longer than those that reached the word count — Woojin has done it. He has broken the word count and has exceeded it to oblivion. The app has finally given up.

  
  
I'll cross the bridge when I get to it, Chan reminds himself as he sets his phone aside — no new notification of paragraph lengthy chat messages to be received (he puts his phone on mute just to be sure). He settles into the snuggly confines of his bed, letting his well-deserved sleep knock him out of consciousness (hopefully forever).

  
And cross the bridge he shall, but not before he sets it to flames.

  
**bunch of rats**   
_(muted)_

**Felix:** idk hyunjin, i jus rhink chan's cute

**Jisung:** u what

  
  
**Felix:** ?? what r u doing in this priv chat??

  
  
**Hyunjin:** uh

  
  
**Hyunjin:** lix

  
  
**Hyunjin:** check the chat name

  
  
**Felix:** oh

  
  
**Felix:** OH NO SHIT

  
  
**Minho:** OHOHOHOHO FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING DRAMA

  
  
**Felix:** ur not gonn let me live this down arent u

  
  
**Jeongin:**:)

  
  
Monday schedules passes by with the occasional quizzes and lessons, as well as some well-deserved '_I wanna bleach my brain_' thoughts to get the students through the day. Such is a student’s life.

  
  
"Oh my God, Chan," Woojin exclaims, waltzing into Chan's classroom with no regard of the latter's classmates, "I can't believe Felix did that! He did that _in _the GC, no less!”

  
  
They've learnt to accommodate to him now, though, rather than getting annoyed at him for his overly dramatic actions from time to time.

  
  
He's Chan's life support, the whole class realizes as the other boy plops into the empty seat beside their Prez, if Kim isn't with him, Prez will most definitely jump off from the windows for no reason.

  
  
Also, Kim Woojin's in a sort of relationship with Seo, and no one wants to mess with Seo Changbin, short or not. It's practically a rule by now — mess with Kim, you get Seo's wrath as well as from Bang and Han (most students preferred to refer to their acquaintances or people who intimidate them by their surname, mostly for respect, and because they're a sucker for formalities).

  
"Who did what?" Chan furrows his eyebrows, confusion on his face as he placed all his things back into his bag. He doesn't spare him a glance, but he knows Woojin is doing his over the top theatrics. He doesn't do that very often, so he just lets him get the spotlight for now.

  
"Felix? Class B, sophomore?" Chan shook his head, zipping his bag shut before standing up. "Wait, Seriously?"

  
Chan huffed with squinted his eyes directed at his best friend in a judging manner. "I thought I told you I have a brain cell of a rock, or have I forgotten to provide you a PowerPoint presentation of that fact?"

  
  
Changbin saunters in at the right moment, hearing the President's claim word for word. He approaches the two in a manner only a true Seo Changbin, intimidating softy extraordinaire, can pull off, questioning gaze at Chan, who still remained standing. "Rocks don't have brain cells though?"

  
  
"My point exactly," Chan sighs, purposely ignoring how Changbin plants a soft kiss on Woojin's cheek as a greeting. _Just be official, goddamit_, he mutters in his mind because all this two idiots did is be affectionate at each other without getting together and it's just... wrong, because they clearly like each other.

  
He pretends to not hear the protest from Woojin, telling him how he's not really that dumb and that he's actually very smart. But really, dumb or not, Chan's still a big dumb smart idiot — as he should be.

  
"What did Felix do?"

  
"You don't know?" Changbin questions incredulously.

  
  
"I put the chat on mute," the brown haired boy answered like it was no big deal, "I have no plans scrolling through past chats, by the way — I'm too lazy for that. Speaking of, we should do some planning right now. I'm thinking we should do this at our house, Mom should be fine with it."

Woojin whips out his phone quickly, nimble fingers tapping across the keypad to alert the group chat of the new plans.

**bunch of rats**

_(muted)_

**Woojin:** we're planning

**Woojin:** we're doing it at chan's house

**Minho:** planning for what

**Woojin:** ?? for the acquaintance party? literally that was the point of this chat

**Minho:** really? huh mustve slept when u said that

**Woojin:** i had it put in a c h a t minho

**Minho:** i mustve been blind then

**Felix:** I'm good with that

**Felix:** do we meet up at Prez's house

**Hyunjin:** slow down there loverboy

**Hyunjin:** you dont know where he lives

**Felix:** HYUNJIN SHUT

**Felix:** I MEANT WE COULD ALL PITCH IN TO RIDE SOMETHING THERE U KNOW??

**Felix:**i dont always think in gay

**Minho:** debatable

**Minho:** im not going btw

**Changbin:** this is for our acquaintance party, minho

**Changbin:** why?

**Jeongin:** yeah, why?

**Minho:** ive got cats sorry

**Jisung:** wooj, i think we should meet up at the canteen

**Seungmin:** ?? dont you have ,like, other things to do ??

**Jisung:** if it's the project youre talking about, pls remember were doing it by pair

**Jisung:** and were pairs we can do it prez's house

**Woojin:** youre coming ji?

**Jisung:** of course! i wanna help ! it sounds fun

**Minho:** on second thought im coming too

**Changbin:** oh really

**Jeongin:** why, pray tell ??

**Minho:** ?? my husband is coming ?? i gotta meet my husband face to face

**Woojin:** minho for the last time you cant marry someone online

**Minho:** right

**Minho:** so all i gotta do is meet my husband in reak life and then have prez do thw whold wedding thing

**Minho:** nd then we can get married properly and then have our well deserved honeymoon

**Changbin:**n O

**Jeongin:** i dont remember prez having the power to officiate a marriage

**Jisung:** minho has a husband??

**Jisung:** who ?

**Seungmin:** you , dumbass

**Jisung:** o

**Jisung:** i don't remember consenting to that

Ignoring the ongoing problem that is Minho and Jisung's supposed marriage, all the members of the chat confirmed to be going. "Sung said we should all meet at the canteen. Let's go, I don't think they know each other's faces."

"They don't _what_?"

"What did you expect? They're _crackheads_, Chan. No one asked if they knew each other by face."


	6. Make no mistakes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/rz4Dd1I_fX0 - The Periodic Table of Elements Song by ASAP Science (the song I consider a legend lmao)
> 
> Anyway, there's a fight at the canteen and then all nine of them proceed to give people a heart attack (perhaps) while Changbin stresses over this. Poor guy, let Seo Changbin rest.

It was a miracle when Woojin didn't open up about the recent online marriage escapade, considering it had just happened yesterday. Chan figured the other might have forgotten about it, but then that would just be wishful thinking.

Kim _"I punched a guy on the face because he used to bully Chan even though that was around kindergarten and we're in high school now"_ Woojin, forget a problem? Very uncouth, and unpalatable. What ungodly shit had you eaten to stomach this kind of thought? You must have the wrong Kim Woojin.

Their trip to the canteen was normal at best, no chaos sprouting up like some sort of toxic mushroom. It was silent (except for the occasional scream from Woojin for no goddamn reason) — sweet, sweet, deserved silence—

_"Kick her on the shin! That'll teach 'em a lesson!"_

Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck is going on.

The three of them ran as fast as they could towards the nearest group of students, the one where the boisterous noises came from, obviously confused as to what's going on.

There were about six of them, crowding around a portion of the table, cheering on what seems to be ants… _fighting_...?

What the fuck is wrong with these idiots?

"Jisung, is that you?" Chan questions as soon as he sees a familiar face amongst the small crowd. The sheepish grin directed at him confirms his suspicions, and he feels a slight sense of disappointment and embarrassment as the other students in the canteen have glanced at them from time to time, quite possibly concerned over their (non-existent) sanity.

"Hey," the sophomore says cheekily, standing to greet the two seniors (he just grins at Changbin), "what took you guys so long?"

"Were you betting on _ants_?" 

Jisung laughed nervously, avoiding Chan's eye contact because he got caught. "No."

(Another sophomore screams on top of his lungs. "Hit her on the abdomen, Antonette! Mama didn't raise no bitch!")

"So this is who you've been ditching me for, Changbin?" a junior stands up from the crowd, accusatory glare thrown at the mentioned boy as soon as he notices the newly arrived persons, "a senior?"

The rambunctious crowd of students stopped from their cheers, looking over to where drama was slowly beginning to start, forgetting about the fighting critters.

(The left ant dies afterwards, the only freshman in the bunch whooping in glee. He won the bet.

"I _t__old_ you, Antonia never loses!")

"Those are some bold words for someone who married a boy all because he adopted another cat and watches musicals on the daily," Woojin retorts, earning a scoff from the junior.

(The freshman proceeds to bite the other sophomore's shoulder.

"Give me my well-deserved money, you egg!")

Jisung frowns. "I feel like you've just called me out, Wooj."

This statement distracts the junior from glaring at Woojin, turning to Jisung with unbridled glee, putting all of the pieces together based on what the younger said. "You're Jisung! Binnie, look, it's my husband!"

"Minho, no, that's not your—" Changbin tried to warn, but is disregarded as soon as the junior immediately threw himself into Jisung's arms with a huge smile on his face— "... husband."

Jisung blinks, unbothered but confused at the junior who has latched himself on him, and the claims of him being his husband. "I... still don't remember when I consented to this."

"That's because you didn't. Minho here claimed you guys were married in the group chat," Changbin provides information for the sophomore, a too-tired-for-your-shit sigh directed at his own best friend, specifically, Minho. "Obviously, there's no such thing as online marriages."

The freshman opens his mouth to interject, now that his focus isn't on trying to bite the other sophomore. "Actually..."

"Don't give him ideas."

"I never liked you anyway."

"Is everyone present?" the president asks, consciously ignoring the supposed argument between the junior and the young freshman. He turns to Woojin for confirmation because he knows no one from this group of crackheads, despite his status as the president.

Memorizing each of the students’ faces was not part of the application anyway.

Woojin gives him a nod of confirmation, and he nods back. 

"Alright then, let's go."

**bunch of rats**   
_(muted)_

**Woojin:** whos sinhing the song of legends

**Woojin:** i demand answers

**Jeongin:** chill its just a periodic table of wlements song

**Woojin:** which is why it's legendary ?? bitch??

**Jisung:** oh i have a grand idea

**Seungmin:** uoure going to belt the lyrics to it arent you

**Jisung:** awful bold of you too assume itll just be me

**Seungmin:** bet ?

"— Ytterbium, Lutetium..."

"Hafnium, Tantalum, Tungsten, then we're on to Rhenium, Osmium, and Iridium."

"Platinum, Gold to make you rich 'til you grow old, Mercury to tell you when it's really cold."

"Thalium and—"

"Both of you, quiet down!"

"...Lead then Bismuth for your tummy—"

"Polonium—"

"Astatine will not be yummy!"

"Radon, Francium—"

"Will last a little time—"

"Radium then—"

"_ACT**ANIDES**_ AT _EIGH_T**_Y_**-N**_I_**_NE_."

"G_ODFUCK**I****NG**_ D_AMMIT_."

**bunch of rats**

**Woojin:** THIS IS THE PERIODIC TABLE

**Chan:** NOBLE GAS IS STABLE WHILE HALOGENS AND ALKALI REACTS AGGRESSIVELY

**Seungmin:** EACH PERIOD WE'LL SEE NEW OUTER SHELLS WHILE ELECTRONS ARE ADDED MOVING TO THE RIGHT

_Five others are typing..._

**Changbin:** _WH **y**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Online marriage is a t h i n g but isn't legally binding. Also, I gave up with the latin title lmao i google translated it anyway


	7. Meeting in session (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone arrives at Chan's house safely, and then they all introduce themselves again face to face this time. Minho continues his attempts of introducing himself as Jisung's husband, much to Jisung's confusion.
> 
> Felix helps Chan prepare some snacks while Jeongin stabs someone with pencil in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did this on my phone, so as you can see it is very unorganized. i need sleep. yes im aware i insert random scenarios here but im working on it ok. there's a lot of things going on but it was all cool so i didn't cut it out and decided to improvise.
> 
> I called a jug a pitcher.
> 
> this one isn't really funny, but hey, there's minsung, seungjin and chanlix content.

After nearly giving passerbys a heart attack by screaming the lyrics of a song about the periodic table of elements, the group of crackheads finally reached their destination.

The Bang residence house was spacious, most of the time quiet and lonely since the residents weren't home much (except for Chan during the weekends because he has little to no social life with how he's stressing over the acquaintance party). Meaningful solo interpretative dances are the best to be performed during these times, 10 over 10 absolute guarantee.

Chan's usual guests consisted of Woojin and Jisung, meaning the two had already familiarized themselves with the whole place. The others, however, were still bound to tail around either three of them.

Jisung catapults himself onto the sofa, grabbing the nearest throw pillow and hugging it as he decided to sit properly via Woojin's reprimand.

"Great, so, we're here because we need your help to plan some things for the acquaintance party." Chan addressed, standing in front of the group.

"But before that," Woojin stands, already to aid Chan, "please introduce yourself. Face to face this time — I'll start first, I'm Kim Woojin, and I'm a senior."

He nudges Chan, and gets a shrug in response. "I'm Bang Chan, also a senior."

"Seo Changbin," one of the junior says, before gesturing to the one on his right, "this is—"

"I'm Lee Minho—" Changbin's friend links his and Jisung's arms together, leaning his head on the sophomore's shoulder (and casually not paying attention to the judging narrowed eyes that Woojin, Chan, and Changbin has directed to him)— "Jisung's _husband_."

Him sounding so proud of his convictions only made Woojin judge him more. Him? His beloved son's husband? Nah bitch, over Woojin's godly body, he ain't shit.

The senior was about to comment in regards to the action, but one of the sophomores cut him off.

"Hwang Hyunjin, sophomore extraordinaire!" the tallest of the bunch raises his hand, waving it to catch everyone's attention. He moves a bit on his seat before gesturing to the freckled boy sitting beside him.

"And this is my best friend Felix." Said boy dabs.

"I'm Han Jisung," Jisung grins politely (Minho has proceeded to hugging him now from his side), "and apparently I'm married."

"No, you're not," his best friend quips, arms folded on his chest. His glare is directed to the two, irritation present on his face as he sulked on his seat.

Minho quickly turns his head to who spoke, a hard glare present on his face. His grip tightens on Jisung as he hissed at the sophomore. "Says _who_?"

"Says _me_," the sophomore hisses back, "I'm Kim Seungmin, Jisung's own best friend."

Hyunjin gasps as he stared at the other sophomore, a look of recognition present on his face. "Hey, I recognize you! We met a while ago, remember?"

With the tension broken, the sophomore relaxes for a bit. Minho huffs, resuming his one-sided cuddle session with Jisung.

"Yes, I do, infact, remember," Seungmin lets out a tired sigh in response, like he was remembering something stupid and he just wants that memory gone. "You talked to me."

"In my defense, you looked cute!" Hyunjin splutters.

"I'm aware, but you fell down a flight of stairs, how have you not broken any bone?" 

"He _**what**_?" Felix shrieked, horror on his face as he gawked at his best friend.

Before the sophomore could begin his prattle, the lone freshman opted to stand in the center of the group. "Enough about Mr. Bones! My name is Yang Jeongin, and you owe me money!"

He points strongly at Felix, face hardened to a scowl.

_("Did he just call Hyunjin '_Mr. Bones_'?" Jisung whispers to Minho in confusion, only getting a shrug as a reply.)_

"Oh boy," Chan sighed, turning to Woojin before he continued, "I'll go get snacks. Try not to let them fight or something."

_("You cheated! I owe you nothing!" the junior bellowed, anger redirected to the younger boy. He stands up to point back at him, "sneaky bastard man!")_

Woojin frowns. "What if they're already fighting?"

_(Jisung grimaces. "What kind of insult was that?"_

_"A terrible one," Hyunjin answers, pulling his best friend down by the collar of his uniform, "his complimenting skills are off the charts but his insult game resides on the fifth circle of garbage.")_

The president shrugs, clearly having no care for the problem at all. He already had a party to concern over, he's not about to go crazy over some fistfight initiated by some skinny ass teenagers.

"You handle it, chief," he informs, saluting to Woojin, before walking out of the living room.

Like always, he pays no mind to the chaos that is about to begin and heads to the kitchen as casual as possible.

_("God looked at me in the eyes and told me I was never meant to hurt a friend," Felix mourned, letting himself be pulled down back to the couch and be enveloped into his best friend's arms._

_"Hush now, I know, I know. You don't like insulting people," Hyunjin pats the boy's back in sympathy.)_

Chan inwardly thanks his heightened sense of smelling out upcoming bullshit, now that he's out, he doesn't have to suffer stressing over them.

It would definitely suck to be Woojin as of now.

"I wish my best friend was like that," Chan hears Jisung quip while he rummages through the cupboards, "all he does is call me out even when I'm just breathing. He can't compliment for shit."

Chan frowned.

_("That's literally bullying," that was Woojin. It definitely was.)_

He fished his phone from the pocket of his slacks, immediately dialing his mother's number. He had just realized that their pitcher was missing.

How was he supposed to make orange juice with a pitcher?

_("Look," Seungmin sighed, standing up, "I don't condone bullying. Except if it's Changbin, because he deserves it.")_

Mrs. Bang picks up with only a few rings, and Chan bids her a cheerful greeting. 

"Hey, mom? Where's that one specific jug _thingy_?"

_("Ever since Friday," the said junior remarks, clearly done with him, "you have kept on insulting me since Friday.")_

"No, I meant the one we use for the guests. I tried looking for it, but I don't know where it is."

_("Your aura screams 'bully me, Seungmin' and who am I to deny such offer?"_

_"That's kinky." Jisung comments, whistling a bit.)_

"What for? Remember when I said I had some friends over? Yeah." _Crackheads more like, but friends work too._

_("This," Seungmin splutters in an attempt to gather his own thoughts, handsigns wildly not understandable as he looked at his best friend, "this is the reason you deserve to be called out, you— you pompous, illiterate clown!")_

"No, it wasn't in the cupboards. Last time I checked, you kept it away."

_(Jisung sounded aghast, completely insulted. "Hey! I am far from being pompous! A clown, sure, but never some sort of arrogant cheese stick!")_

Chan turns to the refrigerator, call still ongoing and oblivious to the racket going on at the living room.

"Oh, there's cake? I'm sure they'd like that."

_("I can't believe you agreed to being illiterate."_

_"I'm Jared, nineteen. I never learned how to fucking read.")_

"So, the other cupboard then? The one we keep the other stuff for special occasions?"

_("I can't take you seriously if you keep on being a crackhead."_

_"That's literally what my resume says!"_

_"The fuck is a resume?")_

Chan pulls out a glass pitcher, humming to himself. 

"Found it. Sure, I won't stay up too late tonight. Love you, mom. Bye."

_("I'm gonna fucking kill you."_

_"Do it coward.")_

"Excuse me? _Chan_?"

Chan turns towards the one who spoke, making eye contact with the sophomore named Felix. Said boy stood near the doorframe, looking quite anxious. 

"Hey, Felix was it? Is something wrong?"

The sophomore shook his head. "I wanted to help you."

"Are you sure? Don't you want to stay with the others?"

Felix looked like he was contemplating his choices. When he spoke, however, he sounded sure. "Yeah. If it's okay with you, though?"

_("This pencil is sharp enough to stab a man."_

_"I want to test that theory.")_

Chan grins widely. He remains oblivious to the sophomore's reddening face.

"Cool. Now help me make some orange juice."

_("Jeongin don't you dare fucking stab me with that pencil."_

_"Sacrifice needs no plea of indifference for a mortal being as you."_

_"What the fuck does that even mean—"_

** _Stab!_ **

_"Gah! **MOTHERFUCKER**—")_


End file.
